De-Cluttering

Is that even a word? De-cluttering? Probably not, but I don't have the time to check.

Recently, I've needed to weed out some of my personal items. Really personal items. You know those hidden things that reside in the very back of a drawer where you hardly ever have to see them and you hope that no one else will see them either?

Here are some items I've recently disposed of: a pregnancy test, old eye shadow, letters and notes from my youth, an unused personal organizer and many other gems that used to be tucked away out of sight. However, each of these items represented a part of me that I've been having a difficult time dealing with.

It's difficult to say why I've been holding onto the pregnancy test. When Andy was delivered by c-section last year, I had my tubes removed. Not just tied, but removed altogether. At the time Daryle and I felt that our family was complete - and it is. I'm just having a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that I can not have another child. I could with medical/surgical intervention, but not on my own. But I'm a big girl and have now tossed the pregnancy test and truthfully, I feel better for it.

The eye shadow that ended up in the bin was beautiful to look at, gorgeous jewel tones, deep and brilliant. Ancient though - I think I've had it for twenty years. Yes, it was in my possession before Daryle and I married. On that note, perhaps it represented my pre-marital freedom. I had always thought that I'd wear it to go out on the town or to the theater. Needless to say, I do neither of those activities now. A night out on the town is... my goodness, it's the annual Christmas office dinner party with my co-workers! And going to the theater is no longer on the agenda at all unless one considers Daniel's tendency for melodramatic, high energy theatrics to be audience worthy. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be with my family than go to the theater - most nights. Once in a blue moon would be nice though.

The letters and notes from my youth. Where do I begin? To be honest, I'm uncomfortable delving into this topic. I just can't relate to who I was back then. I don't want to have anything to do with my past, all it does is bring up bad, hurtful memories. I've moved on and become someone completely different. Shredding those old letters and notes was wonderful. I felt such a weight lifted. I wish I had done this particular task years ago. Where are my old journals? I think they're next on the shreddies list if I can find them.

As far as the personal organizer goes, I don't know why I held onto it. Junk, that's what it was. A quick reset and it's gone. Sort of. It now resides in the heap of electronic gadgets at the office that need to make the trip to the recycle depot.

I certainly feel better. I love the adrenaline rush from purging. One wouldn't know it by looking at my house, it resembles a junk heap at times, but I'm a closet purge-a-holic. Daryle doesn't like to get rid of things, so I find myself sneaking things to the office to dispose of, shred or add to the recycling heap. Terrible, and somewhat cowardly, but I just don't have the energy to argue over every tiny item leaving the house.